ASAP: need an excel function created

I have experience in MS Office, VBA Programming, XML, MS Work, Google Docs, SQL, Google Spreadsheet, Data Entry in Odoo, Google Document and other related applications. I believe my capabilities would be perfect for your project. I can complete this job within the necessary period. I have years of encounter in this work and can offer you my past taste work. I will be offering you with all my effort and capabilities. “Moving ahead, I can dedicate 35 hours/week for your job, and my daily hours are negotiable. I’m very empowered to offer my services for your job. Please you can get in touch with me instantly to discuss this place further.” I am mostly online at Yahoo Messenger, Google Talk and Skype. We can discuss there in details, if you are interested. I wish you'd give me this chance. Regards, Mohsan Ijaz

Hello! I am an excel specialist. I can create your function right now. You will not be dissapointed. i have a rehire rate of 33%. Thank you!

Hello, I am Excel and VBA expert. I can complete project today. Please note that I have 100% completion rate and 5-star feedback on 50 projects.

Dear Hiring Manager, I have gone through your job posting and become very much interested to work with you. I am an expert in these fields. I have already completed several projects like this. For evidence you can see my profile. I have excellent command over English. I am a hard worker, productive and worthy of your attention I hope, I would be the right candidate for this post. Awaiting an affirmative response from you. -- Kinds Regards, Shafaqat Ali

Hello there, I have read your project post and willing to do it for you. I'm MS qualified and expert in Excel. I can also show you some of my MS excel past workings. Kindly inbox for detail chat of your project.

kindly award me i am hard working i have professional past experience in excel regarding log entering web scraping searching data using numeric formulas excel bar graph or any type graph proficiency also can give redial and logical analysis in excel simply i am fit for your job so please kindly try me i will be privileged your work will b submitted in time