Looking a 'Book Writer' for change some content of my manuscript

Note: Read a description below before you place the BID. I’ve written, so-called infotainment, a book about clinical hypnosis. Now I want to make the book into an audiobook. But before I do that, I would like to find someone, who can help me improve, some content in the manuscript. The book is based on a true case. My client's name, in the book, is Vivi Endo. In the book, I describe how I work with mental training and clinical hypnosis, which is hypnosis used for treatment. Parallel to this, runs another fiction crime story, to make the book more interesting. Then the two stories come together into one, like in the end. However, one of the problems, is that It’s too easy for the reader to find out, who the bad guy, in the fiction story, is. This makes the story too predictable and therefore no so thrilling. Please read the manuscript and tell me how you would like to do changes in the fiction parts of the story to make this more thrilling and exciting for the reader? There are also other changes I would like to do, but I’m not a professional writer, and as a Clinical Psychologist I work too much to have time to do rewrite the whole manuscript myself.