Design 15 T-Shirts with Text and Great Unique and Original Designs

I need someone to design graphic files for the following 15 quotes. These will go on t-shirts so should be designed on 11"x14" in Adobe Illustrator or with vector art in Photoshop. Each design should have its own file, and should include three versions. A black version for light shirts, a white version for dark shirts, and also a multi-color version that looks good on black or white (can include white). I will give notes for each. I want the text for all to be very creative and unique with cool design work and components/textures/layouts/etc added beyond just text to make them look very cool on t-shirts. Fonts should be unique and tweaked to design. Each shirt must have a completely different design than all the others, and must be unique design (no copying other designs). These are the slogans: 1) My goal is to LOL for real today. 2) Did you expect better from me? That was definitely your first mistake. 3) Look up. A little higher. There you go. It's me! A real person not in your phone! 4) Sweat pants. Life pants. Potato. Potahto. 5) #SONotGonnaLeaveTheHouseToday 6) I'm a classy gay. I always send another text to fix my spelling errors. (next line, just like in text message) *guy 7) I'm a classy grill. I always send another text to fix my spelling errors. (next line, just like in text message) *girl 8) Everyone is a genius in their own way. #EvenYou 9) Meh. 10) Give me a hot second. I'll put my foot in my mouth, guaranteed. 11) Only my real friends know how how crazy I actually am. 12) Must be a glitch. Your Facebook life doesn't seem to match your real life. 13) You can try to *get* me. Trying is as far as you'll probably go with it, though. 14) Hey. My eyes are up here. (with a simple line-art illustration of a potato with a subtle smirk expression and an arrow pointing to two potato eyes) 15) At what point does this shirt have so much text written on it that you kind of just tune out and stop reading because you realize it's completely pointless to keep going? Still not to that point? You need a hobby. Badly. The following words should have the main emphasis in each design. This can be achieved with size, bold, italics, uppercase, different fonts, or whatever you think will look good in design. The point of these words or parts of the quotes is that they are the main focus of the designs. 1) No specific emphasis. 2) First half of quote. 3) First three phrases should get bigger and bigger somehow (each on separate line), then smaller text to finish. 4) No specific emphasis. 5) No specific emphasis. 6) No specific emphasis. Give shirt text message feel but no images. 7) No specific emphasis. Give shirt text message feel but no images. 8) Genius & #EvenYou 9) No specific emphasis. 10) Give me a hot second. 11) "real friends" & "crazy" 12) Must be a glitch. 13) "try to *get* me" 14) No specific emphasis. 15) No specific emphasis. This should be big wall of text with cool design. I need these all done, with revisions completed, within seven days, preferably sooner. I will put 50% of funds in milestone after you show me two designs that show you understand project and . I want designer who guarantees work and will make revisions needed until I am satisfied. You can see my feedback. I am very good employer. If you do exceptional job and meet deadline I will give you tip at end. I also will have a lot more work for you if you are very good with these 15 designs. I have hundreds of t-shirt designs that I need to be made. I always give new jobs to freelancers that have done good job for me in the past. Thanks, I look forward to working with you.